Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Celestial Point of Elation..!!



This is what all I have got... I thought.. Paused... Looked around... Then again... Found myself swimming into the immense pool of my infective thoughts which were increasing by the speed greater than any biological, mathematical or nuclear multiplication possible on this planet... Whole day... Passed with the different vibrants of thoughts... It started like in its general way:: the unusual one.... Like its been from past a few months.... I am not able to record data when i meet fantasy in my dreams and when i meet them in my wakeful thoughts... While my brain is puzzled with its own productions... Others are busy in completing their tasks... What tasks... Washing clothes... Cleaning utensils, room , floor.... gee... Even i had been doing this... And proudly saying in more finer and better way than they were doing... My maid is every time surprised to see my room and curses me for keeping it like that... As then she has nothing to do... It hurts her... Cuz smwhere i was stealing her job... But i did things to make myself comfortable.... She stays here for a few minutes... But this place composes my world... Its wall who seem rigid and non-living... They protect me... They have seen me sobbing into my pillows... They have heared my cries... They have seen me beaming in my most happiest moments... They have seen me admiring my reflection in mirror for hours... Experimenting with art.... Working on literature... Dancing me on rhythms... Listening me music... Leaning me on books.... They have witnessed every single moment of my life since i joined them.... Silently... Sometimes responding me hard... wen i banged my head on them ... Why don't ya speak??? They answered me everything.... But they never spoke.... It was a silent communication between me and them... I stared at them... And they looked down and around upon me like my mother used to... They deserve to be cleaned up by my hands only... And the floor... How can i forget it...  It taught me to stand up... wenever i fell down... It provided me the earthy calmness when i was heated up with anger.... It showed delightedness while i was roaming on it in nervousness and highest of my temperament cursing it for its hardness.... But it never complained  to me... Nt even when i poured colors on it... Stained it with pieces of food.... Am i not responsible to care those who cared for me??? yes i am... That's wat i did... They were with me in my brightness and most important in my darkness... When i was scared of the cruel world outside... They stood firmly against my fears to help me grow courageous.... How can i forget their existence..??? And moreover... Its me who knws wat they deserve... A positive vibe out of the dirty layers they get covered up... They deserve it from a single corner of room to that of the door... For my maid... It just an another room to clean up out of her list.... She has to go for others as well... She is not to live in this.... More specifically... To live with it.... I was wondering how our perceptions differ about the same thing... I wondered about wat was worth doing.... Everyone is doing same thing... Same daily stuffs... I also come in the group of those everyone creatures... But i felt smthng different today.... Different out of the character... Above this world... Like a free spirit... When i glanced at the bright Sun peeping through my window touching my face with its glorious rays.... I thought of the real me and the character m playing on this lovely planet.... The Earth... When i thought of Earth ... I thought of why she revolves around The Sun.... Why they are so distant to each others?? How unfair and cruel people have become to her...  And yet she is providing them everything possible without any complain.... She is being harassed... Tortured for the selfish purpose of mankind... Still they don't seem to care about her... All they care... Is their life... Which seems to be lively... But hollow and dull in reality.... Because all have made themselves oriented towards the materialism.... They are playing in characters... Characters who think nothing but... How to cheat other??? How to play malicious games??? How to create anger, pain, threat, danger..??? And then wat.... They seem to be pleasing themselves by wat they have done... I have seen almost all of them:: moving on... For next step... They don't get satisfied once they are done with one destruction... Their desire is increasing day be day... Minute by minute... Second by second... Ohhh... Moment by moment... They are feeling themselves satisfied, happy... And they beam over their so called success... They get depressed when someones else greater than them occupies their distorted angle of mind and thrash them down on floor... They cry... And then they call their mother.... They realise earth exists... but in another second... They come up with next idea... To demolish  the next target... How Insane??? And this earth... It is quite... Not complaining about anything.... Ohh... Lord... Why ya have made the element of mother so patient in nature.... It endures all the pains in a single effortless smile.... Why the hell.... Are ya suffering these things??? Why don't ya cry out??? Why don't ya tell yr source to embrace ya in his arms for the sake of yr dignity??? How much insanity ya want to bear and for how much time??? Are ya waiting for the day when ya will loose yr protective ozone layer... Yr gravitational force which has bounded everything to ya... Wen all water will be dried up??? Wen all soil will turn into rock??? Wat else is left??? Ohh... Ya are waiting for the day.... The day::: This human species finds out another planet to spoil and leave ya like an orphan??? Ahh.... What m i thinking of??? Is this earth going to answer me??? Never in words... But yes in her actions.... Which are definite and well planned... She is sure of her elements... her affections... Her ulimate love.... She would endure all the pain... Would receive this ignorance with the most graceful manner of her.... Wouldn't complain.... Wat she desires and wat not??? Wouldn't ever demand to understand her needs and the respect she deserves!!! And yet.... Fulfilling the unaccomplished wants of everyone.... She is the one ::: Incredible.... They have stolen this tag for a particular part of hers:: India!!! Wat India have done so worthy so far to claim the authority of this tag??? Eeeh...Wat a shameful act!! Ya are bragging yrslf being dominat over a little part of the greatest piece of our solar system??? Then wat would ya call to this particular object of Universe... Speechles??? Right... Ya ought to be that way... Ya have language to praise yr lover... To brag about yr money.... To flaunt yr charm.... But... Ya... The human species... Ya can never create words for the the admiration of Divinity!!! Ya would stand naked... Speechless... Dumb... And motionless... When ya would be facing the Reality!!! Wake up... Ya have to come out of yr illusive character.... And start working towards the communication that exists between Ya and Yr source.... Ya need to work out right from the point of yr origin.... Ya are all spoilt jus because of yr character.... Ya are supposed to take help of yr character  but nt to get entangled in its illusive trap.... Ya have to find out Yr Real Self which is Pure... Innocent.... And craving for discovery.... Discovery of yr source to meet up with... Yr self .... yes.... The one which is far far away from misery and painful web of  this dramatic world... And unaffected from its malignant factors... Yr world is waiting for ya... Yr mother needs her dignity.... Her respect.... And yes.... In fact... Every single female is the sign of mother.... Ya have got to understand the layers she is made up of.... Then only... Ya can find yr own self.... Disgracing her... Abusing her.... Spoiling her... Would do nothing good to ya... But to surround yr real source with the clouds of black thouughts yr character wears...!!! Ya have to find out the real happines.... The one which ya can not describe into words.... The one ya can communicate silently... And feel with pride... The sense of divinity..... Ya have to work upon it.... Untill ya reach out yr source....
And find what wat yr::: Celestial point of Elation???
              Ahh.... I was in surged by the intensive flow of thoughts since i saw the Sun hiding himself into the white clouds.... I could see it through the green leaves of plants and trees while  wondering about its duty to meet someone else waiting for it as dawn on the other side of this lovely Earth...!!
            I moved for the next step of my thought procedure..... Thinking wat made me to write this all.... For the sake of my heavy load in my head... Or for those who follow me here... But all seem negligent to come up at reason... Wen i thought of its importance.... It was subjected to be come out:: No matter what it does to my head or to those who might be reading it in future!!! All I know.... Its almost morning time.... And It took me about two hours to give it finish outlook... It might be a time to wake up for others...  But for me.... Its time to wait for someone... Whom I had left.... With his bright sparkling eyes speaking volume of unleashed silence and unfailing affection.... The Sun... Wish ya a very lovely morning.... And best luck for yr search of :: Yr source...!!! :) .....

Wishing to see Ya soon....
3:45a.m. [5th Dec'10]
Nagpur...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Series of Repercussions...!!!




*************************************************************************

*Ohhh... Shut up Doc..!! I seriously don't need those medicines.... 
#Hmm... So.. Ya will tell me now::: Wat to diagnose to my patients and what not..??? Ya better restrain yr dominance to yr sub-ordinates Mrs. Khanna... I know my job best..!!
 *Ohh.. really??? And wat abt the patient who died last night:: because of yr prescription!!
>>I was speechless for a moment.... She knows the case happened last night... She was unconscious as i remember while i was dealing with the highest degree of schizophrenic case:: Mrs. Diwakar... How did she come to know about her death??? I Looked at her... She was less interested about waiting for my answer, more about pleasing herself with her sarcastic amusement.... Aahh... The mysterious case of:: Manipulative intelligence..!! Hard to handle... Risky in treatment... But yeah... Interesting to save in files...!!
#Listen.... Mrs. Khanna... M repeating ya my words... Though.. Ya had been my fast friend from years... But ya don't have any right to offend me about my profession... And moreover it was influenced by government authority... So, ultimately... M not responsible for any argumentation abt this....
>>I knew... This last information was not healthy enough to share with her... She will add this to her memory back-up and later on will execute her most apprehensive acts blaming the facts she learnt:: Wat a pyschic world it is..!! 
She did not reply to me as i had expected.... For a moment... It was a pin drop silence in room which was on most peaceful view of the hospital... She had chosen it for herself by her choice::: As she wanted to be close to nature and get healed quickly.... I love these kind of patients.... Who have courage to fight against their miseries and reflect the attitude:: Nothing can break me..!!
*Very protective... Since a long long time .... As we knw each other:::ya have been defending yrslf with these kind of silly excuses... Wat a coward attitude ya possess...Do ya think it really works??? Mrs. D'souza..!!
>>She mocked my name with more stress.... She is hitting me down by her comments which are irrelevant to our conversation.... But this is wat she is suffering from:: Resentment and betrayal aftereffects... She is hitting me not because of her intention but because of her frustration.... She had been stressful on my name which was at present:: Miss Cheryl .... Only because she wanted to see my face flooded with emotions and get herself pleased with the gloomy thoughts she placed on my heart to satisfy her innocence that she is as evil as others are.... She is not an exception.... By targeting my marital issue... She had reflected her sentiments towards her black past full of liaisons...
#Here... These are yr medicines... Mrs. Khanna... Would ya like to have yr favourite cappuccinu with yr breakfast...?? As i have to order it much earlier before our staff gets exchanged after their night duties....
>>I glared at her more in inquisitive way than being pitiful towards her... She is not the one who demands sympathy... Her pride is more important than her emotions.... Alas... She has failed to maintain it....
*Ya knw wat?? Ya need to cure yrslf first than acting as healer for my brain...!! Ya always try to be smart:: Bt in all cases ya have failed to be the one... Come out f yr fantasy... Live in practical... Ya dun have guts to heal me... Ya better check out yr successful government cases instead...!!
>>I like her... when she is natural... Far away from her manipulative disorder::: Whenever she talks about her power of brain.... She is just amazing.... Putting everything around her below her sharp nose::: All she founds worth is... Her intelligence.... Though... She knows the fact.... I might had been poor in grades than that of hers... But in knowledge she can't win over me...  And thats what disturbs her most.... She doesn't want me to be her doctor... For the fear for her secrets... She is not comfortable with me while sharing her most complicated thoughts... Because she finds a sense of competition while expressing her inner self in front of me.... And moreover... She doesn't trust me.... As i might take advantage of the brilliant reflections of her original soul same as others have done... But i know who else would take responsibility of this case... None of professional psychologists i have met are ready to take the cases of :: Manipulative disorder... As.. According to them... These patients are very clever and end up messing up with doctors' life itself.... I don't have any life or future to care about... And moreover no one would be honest towards the mysterious file of a celebrity... This miserable irony.... She knows as well... She is intelligent enough to understand the games of life... But immature in her actions.... She is the case of  poor developmental psychology.... She wants to be child again... And wants to live those moments which she couldn't... Sometimes because of economic issues... And sometimes because of her gender.... Female....If she really wants her life back... She would not resist me to leave using her power to file a case against me.... I want to see her whether she really wants to survive or she still craves for the desire of playing games.... All above... She is my friend.... I would have cured her for free... But her pride is important than her emotions... She said she had earned enough money to spend over her improvement than to being burdened under favor of any friend... Again a sign of  fear.... Fear of being used..... She is living under.... Pain... Threats... Betrayal... Tortures:: both physical as well as mental..
And all above them... With her.... Isolation.... Right from the birth.... She is struggling like a brave warrior.... Sometimes... i wonder of which elements she is made up of.... She have not given up even when she had every right to burst out and end herself.... She is incredible in fact... These all negative phases of her life were buried into her... Because of her failure of having someone to trust upon.... She is the case of hyper sensitive frustration.... Her tendency to react towards things with impulse was increased with more regular frequencies from past two years... Which she recognized just now... And now... She is in my hospital as a patient.... Enjoying herself most... Far far away from her glittery world.... Which have given her all she wanted::: Fame, Money, Respect.... But taken her most important thing ..... Her innocence.....
             She glared at me like a child.... Wondering what would be my reaction..... Her expressions changed from being evil... then to being confused... then to being irritated... and finally she was on her real... Just like a newly born child staring at her mother... Trying to judge whether she is ready to forgive her or not.... Now.. This is perfect time to reply her back.....
            I smiled at her.... More like in a sense of motherhood than like a disappointed lady....
#Ya need to take rest... Mrs. Khanna... Please take your medicines... It's time to check my other patients now...
*Ohh.. yeah... I remember.... Those poor government ones.... And today ya must be having yr legal case to fight with.... Aww... M so sorry for ya... Mrs. Busy D'souza...
>>She was being sarcastically empathetic towards me... I know... She wanted me to stay back... And have argumentation about every illogical stuff so that she can let her all anger out in one instance.... But i don't want her to do so.... She have buried them since a long time... And its not appropriate manner to let thing out in a series of impulsive moments... This leads sometimes or say many a times the patient to face nerve breakdown or leaves them into empty space with their confusions.... She had been very kind towards her miseries... And this is only way to be like with her happiness as well... To balance out the things... One has to reverse the procedure in the manner it happened... Though some supplementary techniques can be practiced but its important to keep an eye on basic functional and reactive behavior.... 
#Eeeh... Ya are so humorous sometimes... [I gave a friendly laugh to her...] Now... Let me go... Either... Administration will screw my happiness...
*Ahh... yeah... Those faithful government dogs... They suck more than they bark....
>>I turned back at her while ready to close her door to look into eyes and obviously couldn't hold my smile admiring her sense of humor... We giggled in medium voice out our frustrations... Together.... Doing such little things together gives ya a relief that ya are still human.... Not like a machinery driven by the force of materialism....
#He he.. yeah.. In fact... Ok..M leaving now... Please eat yr breakfast completely... And for any help...
*Ya can call yr room attendee anytime...
>>She mocked me.... I gave her smile for her smart reaction.... she smiled back.... First time in this whole period of conversation.... But it faded soon.... She turned her face towards the large window where bright sun was peeping through the little clouds.... I stood there to watch out her lovely face.... She sighed... looked down at her hands... Probably to check out their perfection.... Then... She looked at my feet... And with her most beautiful tone of voice... The sober one.... She said::
*I have a known lawyer as my friend.... She can help ya fight yr case with minimum charges....
>>She was returning back to world of humanity... She wants to do a favor for me... She wants to help me... Of course.. I was glad... But i was pleased to accept her offer better in case she was not my patient.... I don't want to offend her feelings by showing her my lack of interest... I want her to ponder herself about a large pace of human psyche.... 
#Owhh... Sho shweet of ya... But those dogs have already appointed a foreign breed of barking one for me.... Hence.. I would have to decline yr proposal... Now... Ya take care...
>>I signalled a sign to move... She looked into my eyes... In a manner.. to judge whether i was speaking the truth or avoiding her invitation to help by presenting another excuse... She smiled at me.... I smiled back in order to assure her that I spoke the truthful fact....
*No worry then... All the best for yr fight... Hope the new dog doesn't bite....
>>She lowered her neck down again to check her perfectly manicured fingers.... Then she smiled in the most elegant way looking towards the rising bright sun....
#Yeah.. Thanks a lot... Have a nice day....
*Ya too...
>>She replied briefly with the spark in her large black eyes.... While watching a flock of European birds resting outside the  balcony of her window... I closed the door... Paused for a moment... To revise the beauty of conversation she possess.... Miss Cheryl... Announcement recalled my name thrice.... While I was busy with the analytical thoughts of my lovely patient....
I looked around... Replied the morning wishes of my staff members with gentle nods... And finally made the move toward the most disastrous place of India:: The court...!!


To be Continued....
4:00 P.M.
Nagpur...

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